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Encountering refusal, especially when it recurs often, is anything but enjoyable. Someone is declining your work, giving a firm “Nope.” Being an author, I am no stranger to rejection. I commenced pitching story ideas 50 years back, just after finishing university. Over the years, I have had multiple books rejected, along with book ideas and many short stories. In the last score of years, concentrating on commentary, the denials have only increased. On average, I face a rejection every few days—amounting to more than 100 each year. Cumulatively, rejections over my career number in the thousands. By now, I could claim a PhD in rejection.

So, does this seem like a woe-is-me tirade? Absolutely not. Because, finally, at seven decades plus three, I have come to terms with rejection.

How Have I Managed This?

For perspective: By this stage, almost every person and others has rejected me. I haven’t counted my success rate—that would be quite demoralizing.

As an illustration: not long ago, a newspaper editor rejected 20 articles one after another before approving one. A few years ago, no fewer than 50 book publishers vetoed my book idea before one gave the green light. Later on, 25 agents rejected a book pitch. An editor suggested that I submit my work only once a month.

My Steps of Setback

Starting out, each denial stung. It felt like a personal affront. It seemed like my creation being rejected, but who I am.

Right after a manuscript was rejected, I would go through the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, surprise. Why did this occur? Why would they be ignore my talent?
• Second, denial. Certainly it’s the mistake? This must be an administrative error.
• Third, dismissal. What can they know? Who appointed you to decide on my labours? It’s nonsense and their outlet stinks. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, frustration at those who rejected me, then anger at myself. Why do I do this to myself? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, negotiating (often mixed with false hope). How can I convince you to acknowledge me as a unique writer?
• Sixth, depression. I lack skill. Additionally, I’ll never be any good.

So it went through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Great Precedents

Certainly, I was in fine company. Tales of creators whose manuscripts was initially rejected are plentiful. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all renowned author was initially spurned. Since they did succeed despite no’s, then maybe I could, too. The basketball legend was cut from his school team. Most US presidents over the recent history had previously lost campaigns. The actor-writer says that his Rocky screenplay and bid to star were declined numerous times. “I take rejection as a wake-up call to wake me up and keep moving, not backing down,” he has said.

The Final Phase

Later, when I entered my later years, I achieved the seventh stage of rejection. Peace. Currently, I grasp the many reasons why someone says no. To begin with, an editor may have recently run a similar piece, or have one in progress, or be contemplating something along the same lines for someone else.

Alternatively, less promisingly, my pitch is of limited interest. Or maybe the reader believes I am not qualified or stature to succeed. Perhaps isn’t in the business for the wares I am submitting. Maybe was too distracted and scanned my submission too fast to see its value.

Feel free call it an epiphany. Everything can be rejected, and for whatever cause, and there is almost little you can do about it. Certain explanations for rejection are forever not up to you.

Within Control

Additional reasons are within it. Let’s face it, my proposals may sometimes be poorly thought out. They may lack relevance and resonance, or the message I am attempting to convey is poorly presented. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe an aspect about my grammar, notably semicolons, was annoying.

The key is that, despite all my long career and setbacks, I have succeeded in being recognized. I’ve written multiple works—the initial one when I was middle-aged, my second, a personal story, at retirement age—and in excess of numerous essays. Those pieces have been published in magazines big and little, in regional, worldwide outlets. An early piece ran decades ago—and I have now contributed to many places for half a century.

Still, no blockbusters, no signings at major stores, no appearances on talk shows, no presentations, no honors, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more readily handle rejection at 73, because my, humble achievements have eased the blows of my many rejections. I can now be reflective about it all at this point.

Educational Setbacks

Setback can be instructive, but provided that you pay attention to what it’s indicating. If not, you will almost certainly just keep taking rejection the wrong way. What insights have I acquired?

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